To fully discover what love is we need to have a template to follow so that we will know when we truly love unconditionally and when we are living the fairy tale or an unhealthy version of love.
Robert Frost said, “Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.” We ALL want to be loved. When I first saw my “husband to be” walk through the restaurant doors it was not love; it was infatuation. This lasted long enough to get us connected and married. Then comes the; “I married you for better or worse part”. Have you ever felt that ‘worse’ part?
I believe that in our thirties, our goals and marriages are questioned and reevaluated. Do I want to stay in my job? Do I want to stay in my marriage? In our forties, we are deciding if we want to spend the next half of our lives loving the way we did our first half.
The goal of love is to move beyond infatuation, to being connected; and into loving unconditionally. The jump between connection and unconditional love is huge. Most of us base our unconditional love upon what the other person has done for you. It is like we are deciding whether or not the person is worthy of unconditional love.
When we have reached the decision to stay connected we choose to surrender ourselves to the other person. When this happens we have come to the conclusion that divorce is not an option, disrespecting our spouse is not an option, and loving them unconditionally has become our reality because we are striving for both parties to win.
First let’s define love. The best template for love is I Cor 13: 4-7…
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.Love never fails.”
If you follow this template, the quality of your relationships will improve. You will experience more of the unconditional love you want and need.
Inspirational Christian Speaker and Relationship Coach